The Path of Mastery

The Evil of "Who cares?"

2012-02-21T05:31:00.001-08:00

We often hear the phrase "Who cares?" This statement exemplifies the arrogance of individuality. When a specific topic or situation is not of interest or concern to us we may shrug it off as meaningless. Most often the information that we are ignorantly disregarding is being presented to us by one who is in fact concerned.

"If it is not relevant to ME it has no importance." What a travesty. As if we could cast away everyone in the world and dwell in a tower of our on egocentric idolatry. This sort of apathy towards the sentiments of other beings is what causes much of the suffering in the world.

Because of our self-centered ways we make empty connections based on the other's ability to fulfill our desires adequately. Then we cast them out when we are no longer satisfied. "Who cares if your heart is broken?" "Who cares if you just opened up to me to reveal what is meaningful to you. It is worthless to me. Get on your knees and pay homage to your Lord or get out of my sight."

This simple phrase so clearly shows the overwhelming power of ignorance, keeping one from even wishing to understand another, in turn preventing himself from cultivating compassion and leading a fulfilling life. "Who cares?" So arrogant, subtle is the malice that poisons our hearts. Sharp are the spears that these words project into the world.

In those two words lie the ruination of man, the full torments of Hell compressed into one phrase.

Reclaim your power

2012-02-21T05:30:00.001-08:00

‎..and on his path stood a terror far greater than any he had encountered before. More bestial than humane, this most terrible foe had just shrugged off an attack that would have doubtlessly slain the mightiest of all opponents he had faced before. The young man picked himself off the ground with a wide smile spreading across his lips. "You're much stronger than I thought. After I beat you I'll be invincible!" With those words he began his charge into destiny.

In life there are many obstacles. Sometimes it is as if the whole universe has aligned against you. Therein lies your power. Without the slightest hesitation charge into that threat, determined to find what is yours, for hidden in every challenge is your long forgotten potential waiting to be revealed. The bigger the monster, the harder the journey, the more devastating the the defeat, the more of your strength will be returned to you upon victory. Each challenge is a precious gift designed to make you bigger, better, brighter than you ever were before. Take it. Gratefully.

True beauty

2012-02-21T05:29:00.001-08:00

Your beauty is not a byproduct of what you have done, what you think, where you have been, what family you have been born into, or what you do for a living. Your beauty exists because you are. Your worth is not determined by your impact on the worth. You are, at your essential core, as beautiful, wonderful, praise worthy, noble, and glorious as any who ever was or ever shall be.

While you may see only the suffering, the hatred in your heart, the scars on your body..You may hear only the names you have been called and remember only the failures and worst of times. But despite this, at your core, never has there been anyone greater. Even though you may not see it, believe that this core as there. With each day you may choose to nourish this core reality, or remember this apparent wounded external image that you are most acquainted with. Each step taken in the name of that inner glory creates one small crack in your shell of sorrows. A bit of that light can shine through. Each step taken in the name of misery places another plate of armor to protect you from your innate virtue.

Do not compare yourself to others. I said there is none greater than you, but do not confuse this with the notion that you are greater than any. There is equity. Wholeness. Freedom.

Be determined to see your best, and to do your best, even when all of your senses are telling you it hurts. Be focused in the knowing that this victory will reveal as much of your natural potential as is equivalent to the scope of your obstacle.

Your true worth is not determined by what you do, where you have been, or where you are going. But this determines your impact on the world. Each step you take in whichever direction will amount to what mark you leave. May we each strive to leave as many footprints of healing on the sands of life as is possible.

Suffering motivated action

2012-02-21T05:28:00.001-08:00

Many people in the success, self help, and personal growth communities develop a certain vindictiveness. They often come from trailing backgrounds and with teeth gritted they say things like "I'll show them!" Some make quotes akin to "The sweetest revenge is a life well-lived." Despite their success, the mountains they've climbed, and the scars they've healed, there is still something inside that is motivated by suffering.

A relationship ends and there is a vengeful streak "I'll show her! I'll become better than anyone she'll ever meet! Screw her, and screw him too!" When once there was supposed to be such love, now see how fragile and conditional it is if she loves another she may become a scorned enemy. You may not wish her dead but you have something of pain inside of you that loses that loving feeling. As we compare ourselves with others, imagining we'll be better or worse than them because of our accomplishments we play a dangerous came of competition. This mindset comes from some level of suffering. Actions and decisions that are motivated by suffering can bring about great and positive change but there are steps beyond that.

We all make great changes of heart and character, but as long as you hold on to your grudges you want to imprint the wounds from your old "war story" on you forever. By choice, as long as you have to be right, or better, you determine that you will continue to suffer. As long as you want to continue to justify your right to suffer, you will suffer. We become attached to our vendettas against our family, our teachers, our persecutors, our ex lovers. You may say "After what he did, I have a right to be angry!" Agreed. You have a right to be angry. It is so much in your natural, your cultural and genetic heritage to be angry and continue to hate forever. But as long as you cling to this justification for suffering, you assure that suffering will always remain.

To hold on to something we must maintain a certain level of "tension" or "resistance" to keep it. If you hold something in your hand for minutes, hours, even if it's very light, after awhile you adapt to those conditions. You will have to actually "let go" of the item to release it. As humans we tend to be far more aware of our physical body as opposed to our emotional attachments so it's often a much easier matter to let go with your hand as opposed to your heart.

There are people in the New Age community, and I love them. But they talk about expanded consciousness, higher consciousness, communing with Ascended Masters. That is all very beautiful. However if these people still see the world in "us vs them" terms, and if they still have a vindictiveness about them when they face persecution, or have someone cut them off in traffic, there is some more work to do. While a prayer or a puja can be quite useful there is work that we have to do on ourselves.

If you want something like oneness, or nondistinction to become a larger or more prominent part of your experience, you need to affirm it. You need to do the work to heal your heart and let go of the grudges. No more "I'll show them!" in a vindictive way. If I should say "I'll show them!" It is because I have forgiven and I want to show others how to do it too. Your actions need to affirm that there is no separation. Be kind, be useful, be helpful and giving, even when you get nothing in return. If you slip back into selfishness, forgive yourself, and try again. It is easy, even effortless when we are not trialed, but can you maintain your integrity when challenged?

If you seek understanding rather than conquest, freedom rather than vengeance, love rather than suffering, you are on your way. While it is normal to attack others when hurt or threatened, or to flee, go against that inclination. It is by changing your behaviors and your perceptions when it is challenging that we evolve. It is by forgiving when we hate, giving when it hurts, letting go when it is time. When you feel that suffering inside, instead of spewing it outside to contaminate the world with more violence, pull that emotion inside and observe it until that emotion dissolves. I didn't say deny, hide from, or repress it. When everything is pushing you to look outside, to have your desires fulfilled, to resolve suffering, go inside. Go inside. This is a magical secret. You bring those desires inside and find a way for them to be fulfilled in consciousness, in wisdom, in self-contained love. You want to displace your suffering and radiate it on everyone else? Breathe and pay attention inside. Dissolve that push to go on a crusade. Defeat the battle within, become a true warrior, not one whose pride is so fragile a word can throw him into blindness and reaction.

Be strong. Bring it inside. Not in denial, but in loving consciousness wanting to understand. If a new kind of animal is discovered and you want to know about how it lives, what is the best option? You can theorize, think, talk about it, guess that it probably has characteristics akin to the most similar species...or do you observe the creature and see how it actually behaves, feeds, sleeps, fights, lives, and dies?

Of course you observe it. So too, when there is suffering, or when there is desire, find out all about it by observing what you are really attached to, what you really want, what is truly pushing you. That desire will be transmuted into power, that suffering will become bliss, that chaos will become wisdom, and you will become free.

How should I feel?

2012-02-21T05:27:00.001-08:00

‎"How am I supposed to feel?"

I guide many people through their trials and one of the most common questions is "How should I feel?" They are often in some desperate situation, don't know what to do. Often, they just feel lost.

To that I always answer something along the lines of "Feel how you feel. Don't try to change it, push it away, hide from it, be something you're not. Just be honest, feel how you really feel." Now the truth is if you are facing a personal crisis, we have to be functional in society. You can't just walk around a broken individual. You need to maintain some semblance of fortitude so that you life can go on.

So, we consciously maintain a visage that passes for normal in society. But when we have time to ourselves it is our most sacred duty to address our emotions. To feel how we really feel. By that I do not mean be drowned out by the situation.

"She's a bitch! Who does she think she is to say that to ME! Walkin round here tryin to make a fool out of me, and then he gets all pissed and starts getting in MY face..." This may have happened. She may or may not in fact be a bitch. He may or may not have hurt your pride by getting in your face. Regardless of the situation, how do you feel?

When we hurt, many run away from the feeling. They yell, curse, stomp their feet, slam a door, sometimes inflict violence. Many run away to a bottle, to a high, to something to numb the pain, or some thrill to excite them enough to be distracted from their misery. Some become very busy, becoming workaholics, or are so absorbed in the completion of some goal so that they do not have to come home to themselves. That empty broken self-image that has replaced their true essence.

Other people may repress their emotions, bottling them up, denying them under layers and layers of, fear, shame, and pride. Eventually this ploy may seem to work, though stress, anxiety, lack of control, even health problems begin to fester under the surface as a result.

Some who are more proactive go to speak to a therapist, perhaps a priest, a psychiatrist, someone who they think will understand them. In fact, there are a great many very wonderful priests, psychiatrists and so forth who may understand a person's problems. Many from first hand experience. This person may even provide the "sufferee" with a full understanding, and logical reasoning as to why they suffer. Hell, it probably will even make a great deal of sense.

But, you keep going back to the priest, the therapist, to cope, and let out some pressure. You keep going back to the bottle, the pill, the needle, the orgasm to escape the emptiness that life has become. You may run away, slam the door, or outright deny what you feel.

The problem is, none of these resolve the suffering. They may numb the pain, they may distract you, and in the case of therapy, they may even provide you with an intellectual understanding of your problem. But even understanding everything will not in and of itself heal you.

In order to heal you have to feel how you really feel. This can be hard, especially for those who thought they had to be strong and keep a grip on things. But that kind of strength can be a weakness, for you never dared to face the real problem.

A person can be drowned in "MY lover left ME for HIM, and I was BETRAYED, and how will life be good without HER?!" All of the situation specific drama, and then you may cry and cry and cry for years or decades over a broken relationship, an opportunity not taken, an experience of violation, or a loss of a loved one. All of the crying and dramatizing in the world will not heal those wounds. Talking about and thinking about "what happened" may relieve some of the built up pressure, but it lacks the capacity to fully heal the wounds we have inside.

But realize, you cannot resurrect the dead. You cannot change the past. You cannot force people to like you, or you contracted a disease The actual situation you live has happened, and is happening. You cannot change what has happened. These are the facts. You cannot do anything to change the facts. But you can, with sufficient effort, eliminate all of the stuff inside of you that goes against how things really are. You can in fact heal all of the inner scars, heartbreaks and traumas of your past.

How?

Feel how you really feel. There is an emotion, maybe several, that arose because of the situation. Observe, deep in your belly, feel that emotion. At first it may be frightening. Uncomfortable. But like a bath that was too hot, soon you adjust to the pressure and the comfort becomes less of an issue. Now you must simply observe the emotion purely as it is, for long enough for it to dissolve. Pay attention as much as you can as your consciousness feels the emotion, the denial, the control. Pay attention as your awareness devours your resistance to life, and attachment to your wounds.

With some practice you can resolve small issues very quickly. Larger issues may take days, or weeks, depending on the quality of your attention, but very rapidly, even lifelong hurts and distresses go away. Even though understanding from a therapsit felt better reliving some pressure, giving your mind a false sense of security that you understand it so now you are empowered. But true observation of the emotion(not the situation, the bullshit, the facts you cannot change) can lead to a rapid healing of even the most severe of heart breaks.

With guidance from someone who understands and has successfully applied this method of treatment, your results can be greatly accelerated as they can point out subtle cues to observe to expedite the healing process.

The benefits are: Emotional Freedom, Unmovable Happiness, Empowerment, Confidence, Wisdom, Global Perspective, Bliss, Intensified Pleasant Experiences, Painful Experiences Lose Drama And Are completely Resolved.

What to know more? Send me a message.

27 years and

2012-02-21T05:26:00.001-08:00

When I was 18 my favorite musician was 26. At that time he said: "Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun to understand my intimate is no one." Now I believe Davey meant that in the most pessimistic way possible. But I am here to turn that into a positive message.

Throughout my life I had longed for, dreamed of a "soul mate." Some sort of divinely fated intimate connection to someone. By the time I was 23 years old I could no longer intellectually believe in such a thing. I had already studied for years about the interpenetration of all things and experiences, now could a single life be irreversibly bound to another? This laughs in the face of freedom. Yet I had searched for some wisdom in the world that would allow me to believe it. While I had heard numerous explanations in new age and modern kabbalistic texts, something in me could not accept that idea. No amount of observation revealed a truth that was satisfactory.

After much introspection and training I had discovered that my longing for a soul mate existed to cover up my insecurity. I didn't want to feel abandoned. I didn't want to be alone in this big universe. If I had another I wasn't alone, and if we were bound together, I had some stability in a universe ripe with change. It was out of personal insecurity that I held on to that belief.

When I was 25 I had a revelation of great profundity that had demonstrated beyond any realm of doubt that a thing such as a soul mate does not and cannot possibly exist. It was a crushing experience. The thing I so wanted was impossible, not because it was difficult, but because such a thing does not exist.

However for quite awhile afterwards, despite having an intellectual understanding of that wisdom, and despite having a rich experience to demonstrate otherwise, at an unconscious level I continued to act and try to enforce in my heart that such a thing existed. I knew it was a cause of suffering but I chose to believe in the dream.

It wasn't until I was almost 27 when I had begun to actually live life in a way that affirms that wisdom I had discovered years before. Now while things may seem dark and grim let us transform this into a positive.

In the whole of life, my life, yours, everyone's there are many experiences. At a particular moment one person may come into your life. At this moment they bring you something. That moment may last seconds, or it may last decades. Yet while that moment may last for quite some time, it will end. These are the facts. The more profound the joy, the more profound the abandonment you will feel when it ends. If we continue to try to hold on to the notion that this person is the physical embodiment of love in your life, we will continue to suffer. That suffering comes from the effort we put into trying to keep an experience that is over. Like holding a great weight in your hand. You may be tired, it may hurt your muscles, but you continue to hold on. It is no longer making you stronger it is doing damage. But you have held on so long, it is not an easy thing to let go of.

When eventually you do release your stranglehold on that person, there is a relief. Your hand may feel like it is "missing something". There is abandonment. But the pain in the arm begins to go away, and with observation that abandonment will go away quickly.

The reason "My intimate is no one." is empowering is because it demonstrations the great flow of life. There is potential to enjoy love at different levels, with many different flavors. By this I do not suggest sleeping around. I am telling you that there is hope. It could mean something like "My intimate is everyone." When you stop trapping love into a symbolic representation, in a relative, a relationship, etc, you can care about life, and it will soon begin to become very rich. You can find that you accept and can love yourself so much more fully and adequately.

Love is naturally present when our conditions for feeling it are met. For some people the conditions are "If I am very familiar with them, and if they are attractive." For some it is "If we have things in common." For others the requirement is a certain amount of attention or exclusivity. We all have conditions for love, and regardless of what they are when our conditions are met, we may experience it.

When we stop trying to pour all of the love in the universe into a single being, you become very free. You are not so threatened by arguments or problems because you love yourself just as intensely as the other. This in no way diminishes from the interaction and the intimacy. On the contrary it can allow you to enjoy a sense of closeness and understanding with all of life. A bee landing on a rock can bring you great satisfaction, as long as you are present to witness it. This takes great strain off of the relationship and it becomes more about giving to one another and sharing experience rather than having you needs fulfilled and making sure the other follows the conditions you have placed on your connections.

Someone said to me that unless you know all of a person's personality, and what they've been through you cannot respect them, and furthermore you cannot love them. In my point of view those things are irrelevant. If we all shared identical experiences, our feelings, our points of view would be very similar, more or less exact. In a different circumstance we may look at life a different way. My experience of love is not limited to what situations have come and gone, my experience of love is determined by how much I am here with you at a given moment. The greater presence I offer at an instance, the more intensely I feel the love. It is inconsequential what has happened before and ended, and what may happen one day. (Of course be prudent, pay bills, plan ahead). What matters is that we can be present, here, together.

When I meet with a student, a client, a friend, I try to be with them as much as I can. (The success with this admittedly varies.) Of course I have preferences for who I want to see and when. Yet when there is someone before me I give them my presence, and in this is my love.

My intimate is not diminished to residing in a particular form or body. There is oneness. There is no distinction. There is love.

Trials when I started helping people

2012-02-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

This morning I had a conversation that inspired me to share some experiences.

Around 6 years ago was when I first decided I wanted to teach people to enjoy life. So I got a website up and pretty soon I got my first email. "Yay someone to help!" I thought. But when I opened the email there were paragraphs upon paragraphs of complaints about every thing I said. Every comment on my website was taken apart and dissected. I felt so rejected. I had to defend my position. So I responded, kindly, but in reaction to all of the criticism.

He responded back with criticism about everything I had emailed him. This continued for 3 or 4 exchanges until I said "This is taking up hours of my day, if you don't agree with me just don't visit the site. " A day had then passed and I felt at ease because the criticism was over.

Then I got another email. Same guy. He responded "You spent hours responding to my emails. Well I just spent hours researching you online. You owe me. Seems your myspace is set to private. Why is that? What are you trying to hide?" and then so continued to criticisms.

I was disheartened.

Later on in life, I felt so attacked. All around me people were insulting everything I was doing. There was harsh criticism about my spiritual teacher. The martial arts I have been practicing had come under fire. Even the types of swords that I was purchasing were at the center of some controversy.

So I learned from this experience. I didn't like that feeling of being attacked. So I hid everything. I said so little on my website so as not to stimulate or offend anybody. I hid my real point of view. I decided if I was going to write it would be more intellectual than spiritual. I wasn't going to make much reference to who I studied with or when. I had begun to live this false image of a self-help guru. I felt like a fraud. I felt like a liar. Even my parents had begun to call me a charlatan. Well, they used the word schyster.

This was quite disturbing. I wanted to hide everything that I was. Despite the good work I had done on myself, it didn't outweigh the scars and criticism that came simply from me coming out and trying to help.

A year or two later I re-posted my website on facebook and I just received critique about how the point of view I was writing from was more antagonistic than helpful. That was the only feedback I got.

Throughout those years I tried to help people I loved and confided in and I only ended up getting into arguments with them, ending up defending and forcing my opinions. It was a sad state of affairs. "How can I help anyone if I can't help those I love?"

But I took all of that feedback and I grew from it. I gradually observed my suffering and rose above those trials. I stopped hiding behind who I thought people wanted to be, or what image I thought would be acceptable. I became more of who I really wanted to be.

Now instead of hiding my words afraid of judgment, having to cover up because I wanted to hide parts of my past or my associations, I express them openly. That relieves so much internal pressure, that level of honesty is freeing. Now I have more positive feedback every day. There isn't a day when someone doesn't express their gratitude. Truth touches you. Now I'm everywhere. I'm posting long texts on facebook, many videos on youtube. I'm out there drawing in local and skype clients. Each day I'm one step closer to living my dream.

Countless times people have told me to settle for less. But now I'm far more content just settling for my best.

Happiness vs. Fulfilling Desire

2011-08-07T08:52:00.003-07:00

Happiness is wonderful. If you ask every person who can make a conscious decision which they prefer to feel, happiness or suffering, they will say happiness. Yet happiness seems to elude us. Why? I spoke a bit about the concept of blame before, but now I want to talk about desire.
We all have desires. Whether it is a desire to lose weight, have sex, watch tv, to win a game, or go to the bathroom, we all have desires. Whenever we fulfill a desire there is a feeling of satisfaction. The relief of using the restroom, the afterglow of sex, the new pair of jeans we fit into. Focus on this fulfillment can build confidence, and do wonders for healing our self-images. It can teach us to believe that we can be good, successful people. But to remain on the topic: fulfilling a desire, or a craving eliminates a pressure in side of us. The pressure that drives us to act.

When our desires go unfulfilled we have a feeling of dissatisfaction, and there is suffering. That pressure in us remains.

We often mistake getting what we want for happiness, and not getting what we want for suffering. I argue that there is a difference between true happiness, and having it our way. Again, neither is bad, and as I said before, we should nourish the feeling of success we have when we fulfill a desire so that it can begin to heal our self-image, our identity.
From my point of view, true happiness is born of acknowledging what we really are. It is the very act of becoming aware of the fact that we are aware of our innate goodness, truth, beauty, understanding, love, etc. Those same qualities we see in those we love, we all have them, they are our fundamental essence. It is why in every culture, in every religion, they preach of peace, of harmony, of joy, and equanimity. They have all discovered independently of one another the fundamental essence of what we are. They have found our inner beauty.

As we begin to acknowledge our True Self, not our Self-Image, not our identity, our mask, we naturally have happiness. We naturally are fulfilled. When our attention is anchored in the present moment, when our gaze is fixed upon our true essence, we are happy.

When we look towards other beings, and events for this fulfillment, we are always left craving more, we are always left wanting. When we don't get our way from the external world, there is suffering. But by filling our glass from within we will never run out and be left thirsty. This happiness we can learn to generate in each moment, and build up in intensity, without end. We don't require a pill, a promotion, a song, a victory, or a hug. Our happiness can become as big as the sky, in time.

When we learn to act freely(with compassion to society. We are older, we understand what will cause others suffering or not) joy is there. When we act from pure Beingness, happiness is all around us, regardless of the fulfillment of our desires, nor not.
Yet, there still remains the suffering of an unfulfilled desire. That pressure remains in us. When a desire goes unfulfilled, say we want to be with our lover, yet they are not present, instead of pretending they are there and cleaning up with the nearest napkin, you can fulfill this desire to love from within. You can learn to bring this presence of Self into even your body, fulfilling it's craving. Over time this practice will carry you a great distance in your evolution.

If your lover is there, instead of approaching them as a hungry animal and fulfilling your desire that way, you bring your attention inside, to your Self, to the Soul, and acknowledge it, and from this point of view share this fulfillment that you have in yourself, with them. You are fulfilled to the point of overflowing, now share this experience with them. With practice the richness of this interaction will increase many times.
If instead of a sexual union with someone, you crave martial prowess, the answer is the same. Instead of just destroying your training partners with animal brutality, you pull that inside. Do not go for the personal victory. Find this personal victory in the Self, and instead, act to the best of your ability, that your partner may also grow from this. You will still win the fight, but instead of being hated in the gym or dojo, you will be inspiring. Defeat your animal that wants to be alpha, and instead become skilled that everyone can benefit from your growth, that people may learn from your movements, that people may be safer in your presence. Pull your animal victory inside, and act to your best ability. Your desire will be fulfilled, but from the point of view of the Soul, and others will benefit, not just you.

In time we can learn to apply this wisdom to many areas of our lives, discovering true happiness, and sharing our experience with others. We master ourselves(the animal, the identity, the pain, suffering) and discover the Self. The life becomes a more richer and more joyful experience.

Unskillful Coping Methods

2011-08-07T08:52:00.001-07:00

As we've explored last time, a major cause of suffering is our disconnection from who we really are, and identification with some damaged self-image we've created over time. This leads to general feelings of uneasiness, discontent, even going as far as becoming self-loathing. To avoid this feeling, we've designed many ways of dealing with this feeling. Allow us to explore them from an objective point of view.

Food: There is a place inside of us that feels empty. This emptiness exists because we are disconnected, we are not who we are, we are not expressing our true essence. The identity that we wear is a mask, leaving us hollow inside. Often this gap that we feel begins to fill with a sense of abandonment, rejection, guilt, or some similarly heavy emotion. To distract ourselves from the emptiness and the pain that exists inside of us we eat. Whether to food is good, or bad, it serves to take our attention away from the pain for a time, and hopefully, we will be aware of a "fullness" created by the food as opposed to the emptiness.

Of course eating is a requirement of survival, but over eating, excessive eating, eating of unhealthy substances serves to further depress the body, hinder our health. When the body's health is hindered, our emotional state will often sink with it, to varying degrees. In the short term, eating may bring relief to the pain we feel, but it will create a worse situation over time.

Alcohol: Much in the same way that we use food to avoid what we feel inside, we also use alcohol in the same way. Not everyone is a heavy drinker, but I am merely illustrating a point. Rather than drinking a bit to experience a taste, we want to have our consciousness be affected. Depending on the person, and the drink, there are two primary effects that people are looking for when drinking to cope with their pain.The first effect that people may hope for is a numbing of the pain. Hoping that the drink makes them feel less acutely the suffering inside. It serves to temporarily put distance between them and the horrors they feel. The second effect is a "letting go." When this happens, some of the normal denials and weight that a person may carry around becomes less apparent. They feel more free, and often more fun. However in order to do this, our awareness must be altered a bit, and you will notice that the further intoxicated a person becomes, the more their point of view changes.Both the numbing, and the feeling of "letting go" are primary reasons for drinking.However, drinking never solves the problem. It brings temporary relief, and the pain creeps in before long. Excessive drink can cause both physical and emotional health problems. It can also lead to addiction, which in turn will make the suffering of life worse.

Substance: In this I will include all drugs both pharmaceutical and illegal in nature. Depending on the specific qualities of the substance you are using, the desired effects will vary. Many will act as numbing agents of tranquilizers. But this I mean, they serve to numb physical, emotional, or anxiety, or help you to relax or sleep. Others will act as mood amplifiers, to help you feel better, perhaps joyful, motivated, hyper, or even ecstatic. Still others will simply alter your perception so that you can take in a new type of experience, away from what you normally feel.

Of the pharmaceutical variety, many are quite helpful, though medicine, like almost anything else, is a business. If your problem is solved, you need no more medicine. So, in the same way that cars and televisions are no longer made to last heavy use for decades, pills, serums, and other drugs are designed to bring temporary relief. I do not advise people against taking these substances if a doctor suggests them to you. Virtually every drug has a variety of side effects that vary in severity. Of the illegal variety, some are more harmful than others. They are often expensive, habit forming, and many can be potentially lethal.

Regardless of the type of substance you use to cope with your suffering, you will find some of the same drawbacks. The relief is always temporary, meaning you will always need more to get the same effect. After time a tolerance develops, and you need more, either in quality or or quantity. Reliance on drugs can lead to addiction which will always produce even greater suffering than you were trying to avoid.
Risk and Thrills: Many will turn toward risky activities, such as racing, stunts, or getting into potentially dangerous encounters. As I am not qualified to go into the biological processes of adrenaline kicking in or endorphins and so forth, so I will stick to how we feel when engaging in such activites. There is a sense of excitement that accompanies fear. We straddle this razor's edge between excitement and fear, causing us to have greater than normal concentration in the present moment. This heightened awareness of what we're doing is necessary so that we can successfully execute said stunt, or survive the encounter. While virtually everyone rather enjoys that excitement, it is that intensified focus on the present moment, that heightened consciousness that brings them back, making the experience so rich. Yet there are dangers in such activities, and they are not always available.

Participating in activities such as sport and competition can produce a similar effect as well. The excitement/fear as well as intensified awareness(providing things don't become a blur) provides for a rich experience. A less intense version of taking risk is simply to do something that "artificially" creates that state of excitement/fear. Fast rides such as roller coasters , or scary movies can also provide this same type of effect.

In whatever form these behaviors may take, they provide relief from the suffering that we feel inside. Our attention is pulled sharply into whatever we are participating in, and the intensity of the experience is sharper than we are accustomed to.

Busy Schedule: Whether we are busy working, participating in local events, or are engaged in favored hobbies, one of the most common means to avoid suffering is to be too busy to suffer. Of course, all the the activities named are wonderful on their own. However as a means of escaping suffering they are lacking. Having an excessively busy schedule is taxing, and produces stress, to go with that suffering that we are trying to get away from. While being productive is fantastic, and worthwhile, it provides for a continuous experience of running until you can no longer run, whether you are stalled by unemployed, illness, or old age, eventually it catches up to you. Upon reflection, you may not see a life lived, but a life avoided, and the intensity of emptiness will have magnified with time.

Success: By success I mean, achieving some goal, or status, and using this as a way of life. I encourage people to seek and reach their goals, it's wonderful to be productive, especially when you are having experiences that are meaningful to you.

Yet, even the greatest successes fade with time. The brightest polish on a trophy loses it's shine. When we are not successful, the greatest inclination is to beat ourselves up(which increases our suffering). In times of hardship it is most important to keep morale up, and to adjust our efforts to accommodate for new information, and try again.

Even if we do not face failure, or a delay in our plans, at the end of the day there is a feeling of "So what?" It may take days, weeks, months, years, or decades, the feeling of accomplishment can serve to bring momentary fulfillment, yet it cannot eliminate suffering.

Sex: When I speak of sex, I am not referring to love. In this instance I am speaking about a physical encounter of a sexual nature, the particular act may vary. This is one of the most physically stimulating things that we can participate in. Besides the feelings of emotional entanglement that can happen, the hurt feelings that can arise in sexuality, the possibility of contracting disease, or unwanted pregnancy, and other complications, from sex arises a more subtle type of suffering. Even if the sex was great, after orgasm(assuming such a thing happens) there is a very subtle feeling of abandonment that develops. Even without orgasm, the event brings only momentary relief from suffering, and before long, that feeling of emptiness comes back.Using sex as a means of escape often brings a feeling of cheapness, being worthless, or dirty, though this is not always the case.

Sex can become an addiction which will greatly magnify the suffering that we experience, in time.

Love: One of the most painful means of coping with suffering is through the experience of love. When I mention love I am not differentiating between the love of family, friends, or lovers. They all produce suffering. I will not go into all of the complications that can occur in these types of relationships. A moment to recall past experience would suffice to illustrate the suffering that can arise from that. What I am speaking of now is the suffering that can arise by seeking fulfillment in another person.

Since we have long since disconnected with what we truly are, and identify wholly with a battle-scarred self-image, we come to seek the good, the pure, the true in others. What I mean is, since we will not see goodness in ourselves (at least most often) we look for someone else to see good in. This person may be a relative, a teacher, a good friend, a lover, it doesn't matter. We either become closer to that person, or wish we did. We allow ourselves to see that they are good. We allow ourselves to see love, kindness, understanding, caring in someone else. We project the qualities that we wish to have onto them. yet, because we see ourselves as the diminished distorted, broken shell of a person that is our self-image most of the time, we would not allow ourselves to see that freedom, that understanding and caring in ourselves, let alone express it. We find that we may only be ourselves around "this person." We can only open up to that specific person or group that we love. Only to that person can we show our kindness, our caring, our love, and aspirations. Because they understand us, they care about us. The world doesn't, but they do. Around them we can let our guard down, at least a little, because they are beautiful, they understand. They're good, caring, special.

Even if we do not have a close personal relationship, we may observe them from afar and allow ourselves to see their goodness. By using a person as our source of love and fulfillment, we become reliant on them. We begin to build our identity around them, and should anything threaten that relationship, a change in behavior or outlook on life, a new friend, change in living situation, whatever, we find ourselves, again, cut off from the miniscule amount of love we allowed ourselves to feel. This is why many adopt pets. The pet often can't leave, so they have something that will show them love and affection throughout their days. They pin their hopes and happiness on the affection of this animal. This is why it is so crushing when a pet dies, or a strong relationship breaks up. Part of our identity is damaged, and on top of that, we are again cut off from love, and we return to the original suffering we were trying to escape from. The suffering becomes much worse than it originally was.

Blame: The final means of coping with suffering that I will mention is the most subtle of all. Upon inspection, you will see how all-pervading this coping mechanism is. As we've explored before, we carry around this suffering, and if we can't numb it, avoid it, or distract ourselves from it, the most popular means of coping is to blame some outside circumstance for your unhappiness.

When I say "outside circumstance" I mean, something that we do not identify strongly with. We go to work, we're unhappy, so we blame it on the boss being an asshole, or being blamed for something you didn't do, or the projects not going the way they're supposed to. Of course we didn't wake up this morning and order an insult from the boss and a late delivery that jeopardizes a deadline. We didn't choose that for our day, but life happens, circumstances happen.

For many, the concept of Blame is abstract, so I will give some examples to make it more plain.

For a person in an impoverished nation to be happy, they need to have certain conditions met. If they get both food, and water today, no one in the family is in danger, and they have sufficient shelter. Such a day could in fact, constitute a wonderful day for many in such conditions. It would allow them to feel joyful and thankful, regardless of the work that must be done that day.

For a person in the United States to be happy, often what is required is a great work day, or no work, wonderful weather, no agitation, no change in routine, tasty food, every activity is easy, and plenty of time to relax. Such a synchronistic miracle of ease and lack of change is rare. Yet, even this does not guarantee satisfaction, or happiness, let alone gratitude.

Why is there such a disparity in what is required for the conditions of happiness to be met between one person and another? One part of it is being conditioned to meet a certain standard of living, and the other part is blame. The more influences you have in your life, the more things can go against your preferences, so there is stuff to be angry at.

In our lives we have a lot to blame for the situations we live. Whether that's going to be gas prices, politicians, the boss, or coworkers, a partner who fights with you. While it is true we have many circumstances occur in our lives that we didn't select, we blame these circumstances for our feeling of discontent that arises from our identification with a distorted self-image and our choices which are made heavily out of reaction and unconscious decision.

We feel terrible, and blame every outside condition for why we feel terrible, yet there are people who can keep their cool under stressful situations, there are people who manage and overcome difficult situations. There are in fact people that are genuinely happy with most of their lives. How do they do that? They're not magical beings from another world. We seek to blame so that we don't feel responsible for the suffering that we feel. It's a way to escape, even though the suffering is there, we pass the responsibility off to some other party, so it becomes life's responsibility to make ourselves happy, and not our own. Doing this takes some of the pressure off as we project responsibility onto some third party.

Of all of these methods of coping that I mentioned, none of them are bad, none of them are evil. They're natural responses to suffering. We don't want to suffer, no one does. Those who say that they want to are deep in suffering, and are identifying primarily with their pain. It is not a conscious decision to suffer more for these persons, rather it is an unconscious decision. It is insanity.

In the next article we'll address happiness, and what we mistake for happiness.

Understanding Suffering

2011-08-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

In my previous notes I sought to illustrate where some of our suffering comes from, and how to deal with it. Now I will speak to you more plainly. This will be part of a series of articles I will write on this topic.

While each person was born in their own circumstances, and a particular person's life may not have followed this exact guideline, understand that it simply serves to illustrate our suffering.

When we were young, being happy was simple. It was fairly easy. Playing was not a hard thing to do, a creative imagination could make a lot of fun out of any situation. But at some point, we played with something we shouldn't, or we did something we weren't supposed to, and we got reprimanded for it. "Don't play with Mommy's makeup! That's bad! Only bad girls do that!" It is how we learn, through trial and error, and we discover what society expects from us.

Therein lies the problem. At some point we were told that we weren't good. We believed it. This is where we started to, at a very subtle level, program into our subconscious minds that we're not good, and that we're not free, we can't be who we want to be. From this, we start to develop ripples of discontent, but we get used to it, and move on. Our self-image, our very identity became scarred. We came to believe that we were bad, not just because we were told so, but because we had to develop some false image to wear, because we were not free to act as we wanted to.

To fit into society we adapted a lot of ego-protection mechanisms, but more dramatically, we began to adopt a persona that society would appreciate to some degree. If not society at large, it would at least adhere to some concept of affiliation, genre, or loner ideal that we had found. Since we cannot be free to act as we choose, and to believe as we choose we start to live this role. We start to be actors and play some identity, and then we protect it, and believe it is us. In different situations, we modulate our masks. In a group a person may be more mean to fit in. For example, in school, or at a bar, making fun of the weaker members of the "pack". Normally you wouldn't say something, or even notice, but to fit in with the group your mentality changes, and you may end up doing things that on your own you wouldn't. This is one way of how the identities we create for ourselves may cause not just ourselves suffering, but others as well.

As we get older, we identify more and more with our masks, and our group affiliations, political parties, families, sports teams, music idols, etc. They become vital to our sense of being. Our possessions play a similar role, giving us a sense of worth, and power, maybe social standing.

But all of these things are not what we are.

As our identities develop, there are more and more things that can be attacked, our ideas, our abilities, our friends, families, possessions, etc. Whether they are attacked physically, verbally, or even if we perceive an insult that is not intended, we are hurt. We feel threatened, and feel we are bad. If someone insults our beliefs, or says our work isn't good, or we aren't good, it hurts. But because we accepted the initial belief we were bad, we accept these beliefs a bit, also, even if we try to push them away and deny, we still identify with the part about not being good.So we grow up with the belief that we're not good. It's painful. We suffer because we are not in touch with our true selves, what we really are. Instead we identify 100% with this identity we created. We suffer because this self-image we've created is terribly scarred from the experiences that life has brought us. Most won't admit it, but I believe all of us walk around with deep feelings of self-loathing and resentment. We may cover them up with sex, drugs, alcohol, excitement, or monetary success, but there remains something inside of us that is unfulfilled, and for that, we suffer.

Next time I will speak about the unskillful ways we seek to remove or become unaware of our feeling of discontent that we live with.

Skillfully Managing Suffering

2011-07-26T08:04:00.001-07:00

This note builds on the previous. We will not cover in such detail the autonomous structures that function within us at this time. Please consult that one first, before we address how to resolve our suffering.

If a man strikes you in the face, does it hurt? Yes.

There is a a direct cause and effect in this scenario. A man strikes you, you feel pain. Why is that? because you are there. You exist in the space where his fist is moving, his fist encounters resistance, which it you. From that resistance to experience, suffering arises. Of course, you probably did not choose to be hit, and can not just walk through his hand, so don't get too abstract here.Now, taking that same example: A man strikes you in the face, it hurts. If you then get angry at the man, hate him in your mind, think of all the things you'd like to do to him or say to him, does that alleviate the suffering of the initial blow?No. In fact, all of that inner commentary makes us suffer even more. The strike caused by a situation in life brought on pain, but all the rest of that amplifies the pain that we will experience because of this situation. That anger, hatred, mental fantasy of how things should be, all of the complaining amounts to greater suffering, than life by itself would have brought us.

That inner commentary that we have arises from our unconscious structures. We're unaware of them before we were struck, and then, became aware of them when they were triggered in reaction to the physical pain we felt. Because of these automatic reactions, we're resisting the circumstance at these unconscious and semi-conscious levels of ourselves. That resistance creates far greater suffering that the circumstances that life alone brings us.

It is fact that we experience things in our lives that we do not enjoy. There is suffering. But through diligent practice we can learn to keep our suffering to a minimum, and heal from our inner scars.

When we become more aware of our inner structures, such as our defense mechanisms kicking in, our mental projections of suffering into the future, or our general persecution of self and others, we gain more freedom from them. It is like a new athlete. At first he is not extremely aware of his body. He does not yet know how to relax the proper muscles, or to use the correct ones. He cannot yet produce the correct movements. In time, he becomes more aware of his body, through experience, and greater muscular control develops.

Our unconscious structures function in the same way. When we become aware of them, the greater our awareness, the less naturally happens unconsciously. That means that we won't instantly fight against life so hard. We will greatly reduce our suffering. In time, our inner resistance can become virtually null to most of the experiences that life can bring.

We can only become conscious in the present moment. The reason is that when we are thinking of the past our awareness is absorbed in merely our memories or imagination. Our attention is not in reality, but rather in our point of view of our "story." If we are focused on the future, at best we can see imagine projected outcomes, but we don't actually "know" from experience what will happen. We can just make our best guess. Again, in the future we are not focused on reality, only our projection, our point of view.

Present moment awareness is a state of complete non-fighting, non-resistance. It is full acceptance. It doesn't mean you have to like what you're experiencing. It just means that you are not fighting it by pretending it didn't happen, or by wishing for something else to happen.

The fact of the matter is, whatever you are experiencing now, really happened. It is real. You can't change that. You can't hide from what really happened in the past or future. You have to face what happened, now.No matter how much you may hate what's going on in your life, the fact is, it's really happening.

The first step I encourage for people in suffering, is to pay attention, as much as you can, to the present moment. By this I mean, do not think about what happened, you can't do anything about that. Do not think about how bad it will be in the future. You cannot change that either. Instead, work to pay attention to exactly, what is going on, at this second, and how you feel.

When you reach a point of acceptance of the present moment, you are reduced to the minimum amount of suffering. If every moment of your relationship and heartbreak was a piece of paper, when you look at that story, there are maybe thousands of sheets of paper. That's a lot of weight to carry around. When you can focus simply on accepting what you are currently experiencing, you only have to deal with the suffering of one sheet of paper, the suffering of this moment. It is so much lighter than the thousands hours of suffering your story may entail.The next thing I will encourage you to do, is to pay attention to the reaction inside of you. Wherever you feel the pain, a tight through, knot in the stomach, heart, solar plexus, in your face, or throughout your body, wherever you feel that emotion, pay attention to it.

Please, when the reaction arises, do not think about the story about why you are suffering. If you are thinking, you are not feeling. feel instead, the reality of the emotion, not the drama of your story.When you pay attention to the reality of the emotion, you stop the reaction from building. Not only that, but through your gaze, through your conscious attention, the pained emotion decreases, and eventually goes away. A long with that, by paying attention, you become aware of all of your unconscious internal structures that are reacting. By observing them you begin to gain the power to relax them. You begin to cut off your inner resistance to the experience you are living.

Thinking about your past, your history, why you are suffering, will only cause you greater heartbreak.

Thinking about the future, imagining how bad it will be, will only cause you greater heartbreak.Paying attention, with your fullest concentration to the suffering inside, gradually will diminish your pain. However, as you pay attention to the emotion you are accustomed to pushing away, the pain will seem more acute. Have faith that, like adjusting to an amount of weight in the gym, you will get used to observing and dissolving this level of reaction.Present moment awareness, dissolving your pain through attention and relaxing your reaction are big keys. But there is much more. To train you in the proper way to change your outlook on life, I will give you some examples.

A long term romantic relationship ends. Your partner leaves. First, observe the pain, with present moment consciousness, and dissolve as much of it as you can, each time you look at it. It may take minutes, hours, days, weeks, or sometimes months, depending on your concentration and consistency.Then, instead of listening to songs that remind you of your partner, or instead of complaining about him or her, instead of listening to music, or singing songs that remind you of how miserable you are, you stop.

Let me repeat that, because it bares repeating. Instead of spending all your day, enforcing in your subconscious mind that you are a loser, that you are nothing without them, that they were everything, you stop. You need to break the habitual negativity that you carry around.

What I would like you to do instead is to not even think about the relationship, at all, to the best of your ability. Retrain your subconscious mind, through conditioning, that you are single, that you are happy. Find something of value to you, and work towards that. Work on finding happiness within yourself.Most importantly, spend some time each day, forcing yourself to be happy. Spend as much time as you can, feeling positive. Now, I will encourage that you do not use drugs, drink, or risky activities for this purpose, because that can lead to addiction, which will then lead to further suffering.By spending time each day to be happy, you recondition yourself, to be in the habit of happiness. By smiling in the mirror for 2 minutes a day, morning, noon, and night, for example, you can retrain the way you look at yourself. If you can, just smile, and will yourself to feel happy, for a few minutes each day.

Within 3-6 weeks, new conditioning takes hold.

Here's another example. You're a salesman and you made a mistake that lost a big contract. Instead of singing about what a loser you are, instead of listening to songs that remind you of depression and failure, listen to positive music. Listen to things that feel good. Instead of imagining your failure, and what you should have done a million times, forgive yourself. Understand that you didn't mean to lose the contract, but you did, so now you will stop beating yourself up over it.Make a vow to yourself not to beat up on yourself, or others for mistakes.

After you've observed your suffering, and have relaxed your reaction, concentrate on what you could do better for next time. Use this experience as research and development. "That didn't work. I'll try something new." If, however, you decide to simply beat yourself up for what you don't succeed in, you will train yourself to believe you are a failure, a loser. This will bring lifetime feelings of deep inadequacy, and time and again you will fight your efforts to prove that yes indeed, you are a loser. I encourage you not to beat yourself up. Accept your mistakes, forgive them, and work to improve.

It is so easy to hate ourselves, or to hate others, blame them for our problems. Imagine that you are involved in a traffic accident that ruins your car.

I would encourage you, besides calling the police, and getting insurance information, that you concentrate on finding present moment awareness. Feel your reactions, feel your anger, and calm it.Then, do what you must do, make the phone calls required to take care of your responsibilities.Instead of hating the other person for weeks and months, forgive them too. I am sure it wasn't their goal today to hit you. They made a mistake, or were preoccupied, and they suffered for it too. Just as we make mistakes, so have they.

Why is internal non-resistance so important? When suffering arises in us, let's say from the death of a loved one, there is an emotional pressure that builds up. When we seek to push that pain away, or hide from it in socializing, busy work, drinking, entertainment, and so forth, that pain is still there, yet there is the additional emotional pressure of trying to push it away, and keep it locked up, when it just wants to be expressed. When we become conscious of our pain, instead of acting it out, and being forced to act out of anger, or sorrow, we release the pressure, and eliminate the emotional density.

internal non-resistance minimizes the internal pressure and teaches us to heal from the suffering that we have inside. Life long scars can be healed, through the intense concentration of present moment focus, for days, and weeks.

But it is not through present moment consciousness alone that we bring about full healing. We must also change our habits. If a politician upsets us, do we feel better when we curse at him, and yell in our homes? It may seem so. Pressure is relieved, we get something "off our chest."

If a lover fights with us, we yell at them, walk out, slam the door behind us, do we feel better? Maybe. pressure is released, but we did not heal the situation. That reaction has gone down a bit, but we are still sensitive to it. Instead of outwardly reacting to our suffering, observe it. Do not bottle it up, keep it inside, hide from it, or push it away. Not at all. Feel the suffering, breathe into it. become fully aware of it in the present moment. Do not fight what is. Allow that pressure to be resolved through your concentrated attention.

If you believe, for example, that a person of the opposite sex will never like you, observe that. You are not satisfied with your current situation. Why? Don't think about it by saying "Well, I want a boyfriend, but no one loves me, I don't deserve love, etc." Such thoughts will only serve to create a negative self-image for you. It will create a painful identity through which you will view life. Feel the emotion, feel the abandonment of being lonely. Feel the guilt of "not being good enough." feel the rejection of maybe having people turn you down. Observe all of that suffering, and dissolve it.Then, concentrate as much as you can, and feel happy. As happy as you can be, for as long as you can be. or at least 2 minutes a day 3 times a day. This will begin to change how you see yourself. You will begin to reprogram your identity at a subconscious level, and you will fill in the "hole" left by the suffering that was once there, and fill it with joy.

Present moment consciousness, concentration, happiness, will teach you to master your inner structures, and will burn up the great weight that you carry. But it will not erase years and decades of habit of being miserable. That takes great diligence.If you have a painful experience, only focus on the pain when you are observing it, and dissolving it. Every other moment of the day, your attention should be on something else, that makes you feel good, productive.

When you speak negatively about yourself, about others, often in jokes, at a subtle level, you are creating non-acceptance in your life. This will be triggered by reactions eventually.When you walk, or sit, are you looking down? Are you frowning, with shoulders slumped, arms crossed? You have the body language of a person in deep suffering. Look up, force smiles, straight your back and open your shoulders, exposing your chest(not in a sexual way!).

When you act, do you just go about routine, or are you actively, consciously doing your best to try and improve your skills or work towards something positive?When you think, do you think about how bad you are? What a loser you are? How ugly you are, and how no one will ever love you? This is habitual. You need to practice, thinking about how good you are, where you have improved. Bring your attention towards loving yourself. Love yourself, and you will feel better. Accept yourself for your mistakes, as you would still love a child for not being perfect. Love yourself in this way.

Do you spend a lot of time feeling bad(not consciously?) If you're not consciously working on dissolving that negative pain, bring your attention towards feeling happy, light. Even if circumstances don't normally seem happy, train yourself to master your emotions.

These are all habits to look at, and change if you want to bring true, lasting healing. Consciousness is the way out of suffering, and changing all of your behaviors will keep you from recreating it.

The final thing to address is forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn't "I forgive, but I don't forget." I'm not saying through yourself into bad situations over and over again. But I am encouraging you not to dislike yourself or others for behavior or outlook on life.

We can experience great suffering at the hands of others. But by hating them, we keep those memories a strong part of our identity, and we keep our inner scars from healing. Even though a person's actions may be deplorable, we can work on accepting the idea that "Well, what happened, happened. I can't fight that. I won't call and tell him I love him, but from this moment on, I'm going to stop hating over what was done to me."

This can be a powerful cure.

We can apply this on ourselves, when we are not happy with who we are we can look and say "Yes, I forgive myself for failing. For ruining those relationships, for being someone I'm not proud to be. But I will not continue to resist life. What happened, happened, I cannot change that. From this moment forward I will stop holding my grudge against myself. I will stop bringing up every failure and mistake. From this moment on, for each moment on, I forgive myself. A clean slate."

In time you gain the freeing understanding of where your suffering came from, and this can bring on even deeper, more profound levels of healing.

To summarize:

(a): When suffering, bring full attention to present moment. "What do I feel now? What IS now?"
(b): Observe suffering, dissolve the emotional density, and relax your reaction through conscious awareness.

(c): Make yourself feel good, positive, happy, each day.

(d): Change your behaviors completely, to reflect who you want to be. Actions, words, thoughts, feelings, posture, etc

(e): Make progress towards doing things that are meaningful to you.

Which of your buttons turns on Auto-Pilot? (What drags you into unconsciousness?)

2011-07-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

Within us, there is a lot of programing that operates autonomously. Our heart beats without us thinking, our brain sends signals throughout the body via our nervous system without our conscious effort. When we move we don't have to become aware of every nerve that stimulates what muscles in order to simply type this message or grab a pen.

In the same way, we have a lot of other stuff within us that also operates without our conscious decision. Let's look at the process of learning.When we first begin to learn something, we have no idea on the subject. We are a clean slate. In this state, we are ignorant. The next thing that happens, we gain experience. Perhaps we touch fire and realize it is hot, or we are instructed to understand the meaning of a word such as "chair" or "dog."

Upon having the experience, we gain a certain level of understanding.

Then the mind holds some rigid idea, or structure of the experience, something like 2+2=4. Four leg furry thing that looks this way=dog. etc.

There are many other phases of learning as we continue to assimilate new information and it meets old information. But in general this is how it works. When we receive a piece of information we have the conscious ability to either accept it as true, or to reject it. For information we are somewhat indifferent to, or if it is a very new concept, it may take several efforts to accept. However, when an experience includes powerful physical or emotional stimuli, it is accepted much more quickly. The experience becomes more powerful, more real for us.

Once the information is accepted, it goes into the subconscious mind, and whenever that data is triggered, it conjures up information related to the experience. For example, if a person loves dogs and you see a dog, or start to speak about one, a subtle feeling of your past experience is summoned forth. However, if you were brutally attacked by a dog, the information that is triggered will make us respond in a very different way than if we had good experience with dogs. Regardless of the mind's ability to reason that not all dogs are bad or not, there is a subconscious bias that has a greater or lesser effect.

Our personality is defined in this same way. Over time, experience shapes who we believe ourselves to be. Who we are, where we live, who we trust or don't trust, what we like, or don't like. What experiences can trigger happiness or sadness. When we're young, joy is simple. To explore, play, look around. Even in the animal kingdom. Have you ever seen a puppy that's just so happy it starts to shake? But as we get older it takes greater stimulation to trigger that level of happiness. The reasoning is two-fold. #1 conditioning. Like lifting weights, if you lift your 20 pound dumbbell hundreds of times a day in different ways, it's not going to have the same impact it did initially. You will have gotten used to it. Secondly, we develop a judgment about things. Have you ever wondered "Why is HE so happy?" Why not? But for maturing, disenchanted folks, we need reasons for everything.By the same token, these reasons then gain power over us. We develop a dependency, we need certain things to happen to trigger a response of joy or love. Without it, there is a feeling of abandonment.

When things happen that we're not terribly happy with, we then have a REASON to feel bad.We will fight, kill, and die to defend our reasons to feel bad, or not. We will do everything in our power to defend our reasons. This may seem terribly dramatic, but please bare with me.

If a lover has sex with someone else, the triggered response is often very hostile. We will defend our reason for hostility. "She cheated on me!" "He's a lying manipulative cruel bastard!" "I did everything I could!" "He used me!" "She meant everything to me and then she leaves!" etcWe keep these reasons going. We will so strongly defend that we're right. "Someone hit my car! I was parked right and everything! They hit my car! I just washed it too...!! Oh and now that my mom's sick i have that to take care of! They should have seen the car! It's bright red, the sun was out!"

In this example, not only do we defend the concept that we did the right thing, the other person did the wrong thing, but we also bring in outside experience "my mother being sick" to further affirm our stress, our misery.We've become conditioned to believe that these reasons are all so important to our state of being.

You see this natural reaction that arises? It's automatic. We don't decide to be mad at someone. Not consciously. It's an unconscious reaction. We go to auto-pilot. Besides the mental conditioning, we also have deep physical wiring that programs specific instincts in us, which helped our ancestors survive. When threatened, we go into fight or flight. We either attack and try to hurt/destroy the threat so that we aren't hurt, or we try to escape it. We have instincts that drive us to eat, procreate, amass resources, etc. They are all very wonderful, but when the instinct is triggered and we are not aware of it, stuff happens, we start to follow this programing.So if a loved one argues with us and says stinging comments, if you're not too aware of your reaction, you will launch stinging comments back at them, or we will try to escape it, running out of the room, slamming doors.

If a couple is getting very sexually aroused, someone who is rather unaware of their body will try to push to have sex, even if the other partner obviously doesn't want it. I would argue that in some cases, the genetic pressure to have sex becomes too strong for them, and they become somewhat unconscious of their ability to decide to do something else. But luckily, most of us are more conscious in this situation, and simply would feel some emotional reaction of anger, guilt, sadness, etc.

We have programed into us to protect our territory. So if we feel someone is threatening in some way our property, our car, purse, clothes, family, home, etc, there is a strong instinct to simply react on auto-pilot. We believe such things as I have listed are beyond our control, it's just how we are built.

I would argue however, that besides being built this way, if you become more conscious of these reactions, you gain a greater freedom to decide to operate automatically, or not.

Observe this next idea, and see if it holds merit for you. If not, please observe the possibility that maybe your personal reaction is too strong to see it clearly.

When a lover sleeps with another person, there is a reaction in most of us. There is usually some level of suffering. Now, the automatic reactions may be to be angry at the lover and their partner, to feel bad about yourself, etc. However, the suffering of them being with someone is within us. We have that pain. However, if we just hate them, and blame them, and continue to attack ourselves for not being good enough, not only do we have the suffering from the initial experience, but we have the pain of hatred too.

Has hating anyone ever made you feel better about being hurt? Has injuring someone ever taken away the initial pain that pushed you to hurt them? Has persecuting yourself ever made you feel better about having something happen to you, or making a mistake?

I will answer that for you. NO.

By following instinct, there is a momentary release in emotional pressure, that we may mistake for feeling better. There is also the flight response of building strong mental/emotional denial to shield us from the pain. Have you ever heard of a Crime of Passion? Basically it means that your internal reaction was so great that even legally they recognize that you could not make a conscious decision. The pressure and automatic programing was so much stronger than your ability to be conscious, that there is no way you could have acted any differently.

For those of you who are martial artists, you have seen this clearly. Have you ever flinched, hesitated, or moved incorrectly, when you knew, exactly, what the best response would be, that you would be ok, but you flinched anyway?

In this instance, you do not have enough experience observing your reaction, so when it comes up, it stifles your movement. With experience you can learn to calm this reaction, and move more appropriately.The more deeply conscious of your reactions you are, the more simple it is for you to relax them.

If you beat up on yourself for not doing the right thing, that is also an automatic response that you are not aware of. By becoming more aware of this reaction, you gain the freedom to simply make a mistake, and go back and try again with a clear head, to the best of your ability.It's simplicity itself. Try it again, without beating up on yourself. If you attack yourself, you're going to develop inner scars, and you're going to screw up what you're doing and take the joy out of it, programing it in your mind that you can't do it.When we are not conscious of the automatic programing that operates inside of us, it will live us. We will watch it live our lives for us, and wonder why life is so bad.

How do we handle everything correctly then?See my next note "Skillfully Managing Suffering." Coming soon.